We’ve all been young, stuck in our parent’s houses and really into getting high. Do you remember how difficult it was to just kick back, relax, and smoke some god damn weed? Well, we do. Now that we’re all grown up, we can get high in our own homes whenever we want right? WRONG. For so many poor bastards out there, it still feels next to impossible to get just a little high without anyone messing with you. You are an adult, you pay rent–or worse yet–you own your home. You should be able to light up in your own freaking living room if you want. Hell, it’s your house, you should be allowed to use your baby’s crib as a god damn ashtray. So, between your wife, your mother, or your fascist weed hating roommate, the question is: how to get high at home? Don’t worry, we’ve got your back.
Whether you labour under the strict tyranny of an overbearing mother or a joy-sucking girlfriend, you need to pick a consistent spot. Getting high at home (and not getting caught) is all about creating the illusion of normality. Think about places in your house where you’ll get a bit of privacy. If you do it in the same place often enough, it’ll seem routine. This will dissuade any suspicion on the part of any who seek to stop you. Some good places include the shower, the bathroom, your room, the basement and even your backyard. The more you use a single spot, the easier it will be to maintain your deception, and that’s how to get high at home.
If you wanna get high right under their nose, you gotta learn to lie–and you gotta do it well. There’s nothing quite like the feeling of your asshole tightening so god damn fast it’ll make your cheeks whistle. And that is exactly what happens when you inevitably do get caught doing some shit that you shouldn’t be. When you find yourself in one of these precarious situations, you’ve gotta be quick on your feet and come up with some believable shit fast.
There’s a couple of strategies you can use, but we’ve found the most effective is to go on the offensive. Wife asking you what you’re doing sneaking out of the house at 11:45 pm? Tell her how beautiful her hair looks, then ask her how much she spent on her stylist this week. They’ll often be so caught off guard that they’ll forget about what they asked in the first place. IF you wanna learn how to get high at home, you have to learn how to be a good liar.
Airing out your home is paramount to the success of your mission. If your mother steps out of the house for a few hours, you better make damn sure that that you open a few windows. That’s why, when you decide to smoke a joint in your house, be sure to open a few windows to create a nice draft. It’s even recommended that you go as far as to even set up a few fans to redirect the air out the window. If you want the best results, smoke right under the fan in the kitchen and use that to have every ounce of that sweet smell funnelled out of your house for you.
When getting high at home, there’s a myriad of different equipment you can use. Know about your available resources and learn how to use them, to your advantage. Let us walk you through the different pieces and methods available for you to get high in your own home.
The bong: Bongs are great for catching a quick buzz without drawing a lot of attention to yourself. The smoke dissipates quickly and it rarely leaves a smell. A great choice for anyone in need of discreet smoking.
The pipe: similar to the bong, your pipe is the perfect tool for discretion. As an added bonus, it’s great for smoking right underneath the kitchen fan, leaving your house smelling like new.
Joints and blunts: both are great for getting high. Unfortunately, they aren’t very good at keeping your home smelling nice. These two are the most liable to get you caught. Avoid them if you can. Additionally, joints tend to leave around a significant amount of material evidence in the form of ashes, burnt paper and filters.
Vaporizer: the vaporizer is the number one choice for getting high right under your mother’s nose. Not only is it virtually scent free, you can smoke it while your parents are in the house and no one will even notice. They are a bit expensive but well worth the money for those who can’t get away from home.
So, next time you want to get high and no get caught, use these tips to ensure the most discreet and safe way to get high in your home. Don’t be a fucking idiot and your mom or wife won’t have to find out you’re a huge pothead until it’s far too late to disown you.