Drunk in Public: How to Handle Yourself and Others

Everything you need to know about drinking in public

Getting drunk in public is a right of passage that everybody goes through. As a result, it’s important to make sure everyone knows how to handle themselves when they’re drunk on the street. Drinking in public is fantastic. Although, it can get a little bit hectic from time to time. It’s important to know exactly how to handle yourself when you’re drunk in a park, on the street, or more importantly, when other people are publicly intoxicated. You need to prepare yourself for any situation. Check out our list of different scenarios and how you should behave when you see someone drunk in public.

Drunk people in the bar

One of the most difficult places to deal with drunks is inside a bar. Bars are just giant buckets of testosterone. You’re liable to get your dick kicked in at the slightest wrong move. It’s important to know exactly how to handle yourself in these precarious situations. In the event that you find yourself in an altercation with someone acting out, drunk in such a public setting, be very aware of your surroundings. Bars are chock full of things to use as a weapon. Always be aware of broken bottles, cutlery and empty pint glasses. In order to defend yourself properly, always have a drink in your hand. This way, if some mother fucker attacks you, you can glass that douchenozzle right in the eye.

Drunk on the street

Being drunk on the street is the exact opposite of being in a bar. You have room to move and breathe. With this in mind, think about how much easier it would be to deal with some dickless drunk trying to start shit with you or your friends. Always keep your distance if a drunk gets up in your face. You could never know what those hands are up to, so always keep one eye them. If they make a move, kick that son of a bitch in the nutsack. The sight of him writhing in pain should be enough to keep their friends from having any bright ideas. Sometimes, though, drunk people are harmless. It’s important to differentiate between the malicious and the harmless. Or you know, you’ll end up in a tiny cell that smells like stale liquor and hobo piss.

How to behave when drinking in public

It’s not always other people who are being drunk assholes in public. Like it or not, at least half the time that asshole is gonna be you. There are certain rules and tips you can follow when you’re out drunk on the street or in a park. Consuming alcohol in public is just like an outdoor pre-drink, so act accordingly. Bring all the things necessary to make what you wanna drink that night a reality. Pro Tip: mix your concoction in a plastic bottle and try to match your mixture to the colour of the drink that’s supposed to be inside it. This will keep your misbehaviour hidden from the cops, the only people that can really fuck up your night. Try not to bug anyone too much if you can help it. Nobody likes a wasted twat of a stranger wrapping their arms around their necks.

Drinks to avoid

There are good drinks and bad drinks when trying to catch a buzz on the street. Beers are usually a  no-go. One or two would be fine, but that’s not nearly enough to get drunk. So what’s the point? Vodka and tequila are both excellent choices. They go quite well on their own in a regular water bottle. Why not gin or white rum you ask? Because gin and white rum taste like ass piss without a cocktail mixer. Dark rum and whiskey fare pretty well, as long as you mix it with a little bit of coke beforehand. Wine is also great, but short of drinking it straight from the bottle, you’re pretty shit out of luck unless you plan on drinking out of a coffee thermos.

Drinking in public is a tried and true way to get a little sauced before a night out on the town. There’s something vaguely incredible about being drunk in a sea of sober dullards. Remember to watch your back when dealing with vicious drinkers, and always be ready to clock some fucker in the throat if things get out of hand.

You'll also probably be interested in...